I'm not sitting in front of my computer tonight to rehash any of the details of this devastating tragedy. There's absolutely no way for me to wrap my mind around the extent of such loss and sorrow, but I know that my heart has been aching for the Krim family (immediate and extended) and that I've been thinking about them non-stop. The tragedy has informed the way I now hug my girls, the way I now talk to them, the way I kiss their little toes, the way I sing to them, the way I tuck them into bed... . All the usual but distant cliches about the frailty of life have suddenly slapped me in the face with their full-blown malevolence, and I can't help but wonder the "Is this the last time?" question every time I interact with the girls. Even when I complain to others about how desperately clingy my 13-month-old has become, I do so with the awareness that I am fortunate to have a child who wants me so -- who is alive and seeks my presence. Of course, the immediacy and urgency of these feelings will soon recede, and all will return to normal -- except for one family, of course. But that's not the point of this post.
Rather, I've been increasingly infuriated/nauseated/distressed by much of the commentary that has accompanied the tragedy-related articles. There is a lot of victim-blaming (e.g., why did a woman of her means need a nanny in the first place?, etc.) and so much self-righteous gloating (e.g., I'm a committed parent, and that's why I'll never use a nanny, etc.) floating around out there in cyberspace, forming some kind of insidious, guilt-/panic-inducing metanarrative of the (dare I say?) anti-feminist sort. I know that's a lot to unpack, but if you've gotten this far, you may as well hear me out.
Yes, there are probably some super-affluent women who really do just want to hand their kids off to their nannies so that they can sit in a spa all day. I don't know. Maybe they live in "Gossip Girl" episodes. This post is not about those Cruella Devilles. And there's usually some leeway given in the commentary I've read for women who absolutely need to work and so have no choice but to hire nannies. The women who seem to bear the brunt of the judgment and spite are those who don't have to work but hire nannies anyway. That includes women who work simply because they love their jobs or because they don't want to interrupt the trajectory of their careers. (Full disclosure: I am a stay-at-home-mom who, until now, has not used a nanny.) Marina Krim didn't really have to work, apparently, or at least that's what I've gleaned from reading between the lines.
Never mind that she was a committed, loving mother. Why would a stay-at-home mom need a nanny? To this I want to scream, because it takes a fucking village. There's absolutely no way, before you have kids, to know how hard this whole business of child-rearing is going to be. Perhaps you have a husband who travels a lot or works late hours. Perhaps you don't have parents or siblings or friends who can pop in to take care of the baby while you take the older child to her dance class. Perhaps you want to grab some groceries while your child is napping but need someone around to watch her while you do so. Perhaps you want some precious one-on-one time with your older child, so that she remembers that you love her dearly, despite the fact you seem to lavish ungodly amounts of time and energy pacifying the younger one. Perhaps you would like the occasional but regular me-time so that you can get your hair cut, see a dentist, have lunch with a friend, take a shower, pick up the apartment, return emails. Bottom line is, every mother I know needs some kind of help. You may call the help a babysitter. You may call her a nanny. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a difference of pay, benefits (if any), and hours. So unless 1) you're a parent who doesn't have extended family to help you and 2) you've never once hired someone to provide assistance, perhaps you should keep the judging to yourself, mmm?
And speaking of assistance, let's not forget that the babysitter you hired for tomorrow's date night with the spouse might have her own psychotic episode and murder your children. But she probably won't. These tragedies are sensational not only for the depth and scope of the suffering but for their rarity and randomness. A psychotic break could happen to anyone whom your child considers an authority figure, but that doesn't mean that you're not going to keep using that tutor, or stop taking your child to violin lessons, or not let her go to that awesome summer camp. It's unfair to stigmatize an entire group of workers -- i.e., nannies (not to mention the women who hire them) -- for the random violent act of one of them.
But what bothers me equally is how much of the commentary has a way of shepherding women back into their supposed place: the home. I feel like I can almost hear a certain subset of our population wagging their collective finger as they intone something about the lesson this tragedy should be for any woman who would dare continue working out of anything but necessity. Maybe they're actually cackling. Granted, I may be dipping in hyperbole and/or paranoia here, but in its milder form, there's a lot of hand-wringing by moms over whether they should feel comfortable going back to work or by husbands who question whether their wives should work. (I wouldn't be surprised to find out that half of working moms in New York City called in sick on Friday.) It's a disturbing development spawned by this tragedy, and I'm hoping that I am perhaps just being too sensitive or dabbling negligently in political correctness.
Anyway, I'm not in the business of venting (too much) about social issues, so I'll wrap up the post here. Suffice to say that we should all be grieving with the Krims, but to turn this tragedy into anything more than what it is -- that is, a random act of violence by a mind that clearly snapped -- would be doing all women a disservice.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Rice-Arsenic Update
Apparently, there was a TV crew going around the playgrounds today asking moms about the rice-arsenic connection. I thought this was old news, until I browsed CNN today and found yet another article on the issue. I snorted when I read this: "However, the Consumer Reports study recommended people eat no more than two servings of a quarer-cup of dry rice a week." Yo, I'm Asian. We eat two servings of a quarter-cup of dry rice in one meal...multiple times a week. I'm hoping that my families' organs don't start failing in the near future, and I don't know what to think any more. But here's the link to the article, if anyone wants to do any thinking in my stead:
Friday, August 24, 2012
Cow Milk-Diabetes Connection, Part Deux
I know I've mentioned this before, but here's another reference to the connection between cow milk and type 1 diabetes:
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Word of the Day: Triclosan!
File this under the "everything will eventually kill you" category.
If you're like me after having my first kid, you buy antibacterial everything, dousing your kid (and yourself, of course) from head to toe in hand sanitizer and forcing her to wash her hands after merely looking at dirt (knowing full well that you are probably breeding mutant superbugs that will one day come to life and eat you whole). With kid number two, I've eased up a bit on the constant hygiene patrol: if my saliva is good enough for my mouth, it's good enough to clean a pacifier, dangnabbit. There are entire days when kid number two is encrusted in dirt (not to mention eating dirt). But my immunological mantra is now "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" (literally), even if it means that I should be bracing for possible ER visits. And now, yet another reason to embrace the filth:
Having said that much, if germs and toxic dust on hands aren't your thing, basic soap and water are here to save the day!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
"Drowning Doesn't Look Like Drowning"
It's summer, and that means pool time. Luckily for me, C is a cautious child who will barely dip a toe in the pool without clinging to me for dear life, so I've never had to worry about her drowning. (Can I be so lucky twice?) Nevertheless, when my friend posted this to her Facebook page, I knew that it was too important not to share. Please read, as it may save a life.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Arsenic in Brown Rice
Anyway, I still love me some brown rice, but I have to admit somewhat sheepishly that we've become less frequent eaters of the stuff. In related news, because I'm always a silver lining kind of gal, I can happily report that I don't feel so guilty any more asking for sticky coconut rice from my favorite Thai restaurant. (Shut up, waistline.)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Help for Autism?
First, a huge huge huge disclaimer. I have little to know knowledge about autism, I am not a scientist (in fact, contrary to the stereotype pertaining to my ethnicity, I was TERRIBLE at sciences) or a doctor, and I don't have children with autism. Having said that much, I thought this information was too important (or at least interesting enough) not to share. So without much further ado:
My husband is the music director of a symphony in Northwest Arkansas. Recently, my girls and I joined him for one of his week-long trips to the area. While at a cocktail party for symphony donors, I had an utterly fascinating, albeit brief, conversation with one of the potential donors, Dr. Houston of Houston Nutriceuticals.
In short, there's a theory floating around in the scientific/medical community that the body's inability to process gluten and casein (from dairy) might in fact be an environmental culprit when it comes to autism. You can read more about it here:
So while many parents put their children on gluten/casein-free diets, the reality in these days of pizza parties and cupcakes is that this kind of diet is incredibly difficult to maintain. Thus, the enzymes. Admittedly, my mind went into panic mode when he started describing the science behind the enzymes (curse my pea-sized brain!), but the basic gist of what he was saying was that these enzymes aid the body's digestion of gluten and casein. Because he doesn't want to tangle with the FDA, he's not allowed to market these enzymes as an aid for autism, but he tells me that the anecdotal feedback he's received has been striking. (You can read some of the comments on Amazon, if you were so inclined: http://www.amazon.com/TriEnza-DPP-Activity-Houston-Nutraceuticals/dp/B0026QTVVK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335285673&sr=8-1) One of his earliest stories about the enzymes involved a woman who called him up, crying, to tell him that her autistic five-year-old son had one day, out of the blue, told her that he loved her. To put this seemingly inconsequential story into perspective, this woman and her husband had no idea that their boy even knew how to talk. Makes me misty-eyed just thinking about it!
Yikes, this post is getting long, but feel free to comment/rebut/supplement/share this post if you think it worthwhile...
Friday, March 23, 2012
The Most Amazing Product in the Entire Universe
...is how I feel about the Magic Eraser. And while I just assumed that EVERYONE knew about the Magic Eraser, I have now met around 3 people who've never heard of it. So, on the off-chance that you've never heard of this miracle product, the Magic Eraser will wipe off nearly any stain/mark on any hard surface, which is highly useful when, for instance, your two-year-old decides to use your walls as an art project involving crayons. I love this product so much that 'd marry it if I could (and it doesn't hurt that Mr. Clean is hunky, in a Yul Brunner-esque type of way). Have no idea what witchcraftery is involved in getting this product to work as well as it does, but whatever it is, every family with kids should have a 20-year supply stocked somewhere. And they're not even paying me!Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The Diabetes-Dairy Connection?
Found out yesterday that my friend's two-year-old boy was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. My heart broke a little for this adorable little boy and his parents. C's grandmother is a Type 1 diabetic, so I've been able to witness first-hand the diabetic lifestyle -- the constant monitoring, the injections, the reactions, the carb counting, etc. (To her credit, C's grandmother is a phenomenal whirlwind of a woman who hasn't let diabetes slow her down a whit.) So, given my tendency towards hypochondria, I've been somewhat obsessed with diabetes -- or, more specifically, the possibility that C or L could get it, even though the genetic risk seems to be passed on by parents and not by grandparents (at least that's what my google search tells me)? To whit:And then there's the theory that cow milk may be one of the causes of Type 1 diabetes, which is yet another reason why I've never bought a carton of cow milk for C. If you're interested in an explanation of exactly how it is that dairy can potentially lead to diabetes, here's a link to an eye-opening video:
I'm not a doctor, nor am I any sort of biologist -- and I have no idea how my pediatrician would react to this -- but his description sounds convincing to me. Food for thought?
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Snacks on the Go
For all of my pre-baby ambition to be a mama chef -- providing the girls only organic, home-cooked meal -- I've certainly ordered C her fair share of pizzas and chicken fingers. And let's not forget about the landfill's worth of jarred baby food (that is, until I found out that jarred food contains BPA). But then we fell in love with the fruit/veggie pouches -- Plum Organics being a favorite -- and life on the go seemed remarkably easier. And yet...the nagging guilt of contributing to the aforementioned landfill persists. Which is why I am so excited to try out the following product: Sili Squeeze: reusable squeeze pouches! Blend up your favorite fruits and (boiled) veggies. Et voila -- squeezable nutrition on the go! Once I receive my Sili Squeezes, I'll provide an update. In the meantime, thanks, Andrew, for the tip!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
"No More Tears", my a**
With all the organic baby product alternatives proliferating these days, it's a wonder why anyone uses Johnson & Johnson baby products any more. The information in the links below is somewhat old, but not THAT old. What's infuriating is that, as with M&Ms, manufacturers have been producing safer formulations for European consumers but fail to provide the same for American consumers. Blame the FDA, I suppose. And it's going to take J&J two years to clean up its act??? Eff that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)