C was a dream sleeper for most of her young life until a traumatic trip to the ER/Pediatric ICU when she was 14 months old. Long story short, she was fine, but her awesome sleep habits suffered a major blow. So it was back to co-sleeping until just a couple of weeks ago, with the hubby kicked to the curb (or, rather, the futon), as a queen-sized bed seemed too small for the three of us. But even with just C and me in bed, she was getting up at least 3-4 times a night. It made sense, I guess: if I were tossing and turning or making noises while she was in light sleep, I'd wake her up. So then we tried the "transfer" technique, which involved putting her to sleep next to me and then transferring her to a crib in our room. Didn't work so much. She'd get up hysterical, unable to be calmed down unless I played for her her favorite videos.
Finally, in desperation, I did what I should have done a while ago: ordered the dreaded Ferber book (Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, by Dr. Richard Ferber, M.D.). Had heard about this crying-it-out method and how magical it is, but for the longest time resisted (due to cowardice on my part, no doubt). But now desperate -- both for C and me, since neither of us was getting good sleep -- I decided that the least I could do was read the book, even if I chose later not to implement. Lo and behold, his words made so much sense.
For C at least, it was all about sleep associations. If C fell asleep next to me and then woke up in the middle of the night and I wasn't there, it's only natural that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. He uses the example of a pillow. If we're used to falling asleep with a pillow under our heads and then wake up in the middle of the night without it, we'd need the pillow back under our heads to fall asleep again. Cue analogy to pacifier, boob, bottle, rocking chair, etc. So the trick was to get C to fall asleep on her own in her own crib.
Given that C is a pretty verbal toddler, able to understand in her rudimentary way the concept of give-and-take, I decided to negotiate with her. After setting up her crib to be something fun and pleasant (stuffed animals, comfy blankets, and placing her in the crib with a bunch of stickers, which she happily played with for over an hour), I promised her a balloon and more stickers the next morning if she were to sleep in her crib. Amazingly, she understood, and, as if by magic, she slept through the entire night, waking up only once for some water. And so the pattern continues. After a week or so, we didn't really have to promise her goodies any more. She got it. Her crib was her sleeping place, and she had become accustomed to it. Her sleeping through the night has made a world of difference to C, me, and the hubby (especially the hubby).
Fortunately, I never had to use the cry-it-out method that Ferber advocates, since moving C to her own crib sufficed. But now that I know how important quality sleep is for C, I don't think I'd hesitate to try the Ferber method (despite my usual spinelessness when it comes to C's crying). And, honestly, I think the cry-it-out method sounds a lot more harsh than it actually is, as Ferber never actually suggests that a parent abandon the kid to his crying (and the revised edition even allows for co-sleeping!). In fact, the method provides a wonderfully specific schedule of when and how often to check in on the crying child, which is a far cry from leaving him to cry for hours.
Granted, the method isn't right for everyone, and I would never suggest that it is. (And my pediatrician made it clear to me that the method is not for babies under 4 months old.) You may have philosophical or practical reasons for not wanting to try it, which I totally understand, but if you truly believe that your child is not getting the quality sleep he or she deserves and the only reason you're not trying the method is because you're scared to hear your kid cry (which was definitely the case with me), I'd highly recommend that you at least flip through the Ferber book. Here's the link:
In the meantime, bonne nuit!
